I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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