Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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