i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
