Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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