when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
