Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
