eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
