I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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