dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The power of my boobs compel you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
