Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
