There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
