Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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