I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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