Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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