I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
