My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
