Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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