wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
