I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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