It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
