the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
