made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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