Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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