i think my tv is drunk
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
