i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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