Sponge bath it is.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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