i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
