I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
