Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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