i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
