I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
