# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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