They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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