Don't make out with my wife yet
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
