I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
