Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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