i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
