If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
