i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This is my gift to your gina
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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