Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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