I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
pray to the hookup gods
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
