I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
