Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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