I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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