I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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