I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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