When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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