the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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