if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
