Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
