Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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