his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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