I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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