Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
