Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.

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(810): View more from Michigan

i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants

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(765): View more from Indiana

There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.

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(765): View more from Indiana

My grandma had to be escorted out by police.

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(209): View more from California

Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas

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(740): View more from Ohio

He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"

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(425): View more from Washington

ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.

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(239): View more from Florida

I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever

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(410): View more from Maryland

Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?

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