who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
