I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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