can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
