he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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