God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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