I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
