I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
