is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
