we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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