I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
